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Flirting 101

Flirting 101: Eye Contact, Body Language and Mystery
By Kathryn D'Imperio

Fret not, shy girls and guys…flirting is easy to do, and the best part is you don’t have to have a flirty personality to do it! Flirting is not merely physical—it has very important and sometimes subtle facets, namely the psychological, verbal and sensual components.

Confidence will take you a long way in getting members of the opposite sex to notice you. Dressing with style and confidence can help you get attention from members of the opposite sex. A sexy skirt or flirty top can do the trick, but females should always be comfortable in whatever they choose to wear. Justin Van Druff, 22, says, “Wear sexy clothes, but nothing ‘hoochie’. The guys you want to attract should have some class."

Sometimes one of the best tactics is to be sure the person knows you are interested. You can do this by finding little excuses to speak to him or her, even if it is as simple as borrowing a pen, asking about the score of a recent sporting event or commenting on the weather. Any little icebreaker can get a great conversation started, and that can spiral into spending time together, talking on the phone and potentially to dating!

Often flirting can come as a natural response that you may not even realize you do. At first it was difficult for me to sit down and document my own characteristic flirting style. I asked my sweetheart what he noticed about me and my behavior, and he let me in on a few little details…

Flirting can come in many forms and doses – for example, consider the difference between doing the chasing and playing hard to get. Both utilize their own styles of flirting. One is subtler while the other is more in your face. Sometimes playing hard to get on a small level can reap rewards by catching the interest of the object of your affections.

Flirtation and competition go hand in hand when it comes to playful scenarios intended to spark a relationship. My classic underlying flirtation begins with a challenge. Almost any challenge will do, but better yet if you can determine some of your desired prospect’s interests. If you know he likes sports, propose a basketball shootout, tennis match or a few frames of bowling if you so desire. If a group of both your friends are hanging out, play a game in teams… guys against girls, of course. Better yet, place a massage on the line for the winning team. This provides a great opportunity for both teams to flirt with their opponents – especially about how they are going to whoop the other team’s butts! The massage part is introducing a bit of touch into the equation.

Make up playful nicknames during conversation or good-humored banter. “Come on let’s see what you’ve got, champ!” Make lighthearted rhetorical remarks to the other person if they invite you to participate in a game or contest, “You couldn’t handle me!” or “Okay, Ready to lose?” Be sure to follow with a wink! Simple words of rivalry can stir up a friendly competition that is fun for both parties involved.

Flirtation does not have to be physical. Many great techniques do not even cross people’s minds because they are so subtle. Shiny lip-gloss, biting your lip at an appropriate point in conversation and other actions that draw attention to your lips will make you extra kissable. Laughing will portray you as a fun person, and if cracking jokes is your specialty, let loose with a few wisecracks to lighten the mood.

Eye contact is critical. Before we got together, my boyfriend and I held each other’s gaze for what seemed like forever. This intensity made everyone else in the room seem to disappear, and we only noticed each other. Even if you are shy, it cannot hurt to look at the person—in fact, being caught checking someone out or meeting their eyes can often lead to better things!
Eye contact is a good thing. Let the guy know that you notice him noticing. When a person catches another checking him or her out, it is almost a nonverbal statement announcing that person is interested. If you spend enough time with the person or people you are interested in, flirting becomes almost like a second nature. You start to act how you feel without even thinking about it.
Even if you are shy, you just need to take a deep breath and realize that once the first few words tumble out of your mouth, it does become easier. You could soon be on your way to a wonderful and rewarding new relationship!

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